drugs fade out, dreams fade in.

It’s been over a month since my last post.  I attribute that mainly to being busy with school – I’ve considered starting another blog titled, Nursing/On Meds/Nursing.  Half joking about that – I’ve started my second year of a four year nursing degree program, and it’s keeping me fairly busy.

That being said, I want to keep writing and sharing my experiences with dreaming – in particular, dreaming on meds.

I talked to my GP today, and we discussed the possibility of restarting to taper the meds.  I have been on 5mg of Zyprexa since last winter, which has kept me incredibly stable and able to function well cognitively.  I’m sure I could function decently for the rest of my life like this.  But I feel sedated and flat affectively.  And something about being on a major tranquilizer for the rest of my life makes me uneasy.  I know many are much worse off than me, so I am grateful to have something that works for me without causing me too much grief.  I never want to relapse, but I am starting to believe more and more that it’s possible to live well and recover from these supposedly incurable mental “illnesses.”

Plan so far:  Continue with the 5mg of Zyprexa, but designate two days of the week on which I will take 3.75 mg (1.5 x 2.5mg tab).  After a  few weeks I will take a reduced dose three days a week, then a few weeks later 4 days of reduced dose and so on.  I think this makes more sense than taking a flat dose because many days I feel like 5mg is overkill for me.  Please note that in the acute phase of my episode, I was put on 20mg Zyprexa, and have reduced very slowly over the course of a few years.  It’s taken that long for me to feel like 5mg is sufficient, and at times, too much.  Some days I will perhaps benefit from taking 5mg, such as before or after a day in a clinical setting (currently I’m at a complex care facility, but I’ll be moving to an acute care ward in two weeks).

Zyprexa doesn’t seem to inhibit dreaming itself.  I know I have incredibly intricate and epic dreams while taking this dose of the medication.  It does however make dream recall much more challenging.  I wake up from the dream and it’s like having a faded memory of something that happened a long time ago.  I know it’s the medication because I experimented with lowering the dose over the summer and my recall skyrocketed.

Anywho, I’m going to give this tapering a try and I’ll report back!

As an aside, I’m excited for the Remee lucid dreaming mask to (finally) be shipped this month!  I haven’t ordered one, but I’m dying to know how effective they are – they look promising!

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