It’s been over a month since my last post. I attribute that mainly to being busy with school – I’ve considered starting another blog titled, Nursing/On Meds/Nursing. Half joking about that – I’ve started my second year of a four year nursing degree program, and it’s keeping me fairly busy.
That being said, I want to keep writing and sharing my experiences with dreaming – in particular, dreaming on meds.
I talked to my GP today, and we discussed the possibility of restarting to taper the meds. I have been on 5mg of Zyprexa since last winter, which has kept me incredibly stable and able to function well cognitively. I’m sure I could function decently for the rest of my life like this. But I feel sedated and flat affectively. And something about being on a major tranquilizer for the rest of my life makes me uneasy. I know many are much worse off than me, so I am grateful to have something that works for me without causing me too much grief. I never want to relapse, but I am starting to believe more and more that it’s possible to live well and recover from these supposedly incurable mental “illnesses.”
Plan so far: Continue with the 5mg of Zyprexa, but designate two days of the week on which I will take 3.75 mg (1.5 x 2.5mg tab). After a few weeks I will take a reduced dose three days a week, then a few weeks later 4 days of reduced dose and so on. I think this makes more sense than taking a flat dose because many days I feel like 5mg is overkill for me. Please note that in the acute phase of my episode, I was put on 20mg Zyprexa, and have reduced very slowly over the course of a few years. It’s taken that long for me to feel like 5mg is sufficient, and at times, too much. Some days I will perhaps benefit from taking 5mg, such as before or after a day in a clinical setting (currently I’m at a complex care facility, but I’ll be moving to an acute care ward in two weeks).
Zyprexa doesn’t seem to inhibit dreaming itself. I know I have incredibly intricate and epic dreams while taking this dose of the medication. It does however make dream recall much more challenging. I wake up from the dream and it’s like having a faded memory of something that happened a long time ago. I know it’s the medication because I experimented with lowering the dose over the summer and my recall skyrocketed.
Anywho, I’m going to give this tapering a try and I’ll report back!
As an aside, I’m excited for the Remee lucid dreaming mask to (finally) be shipped this month! I haven’t ordered one, but I’m dying to know how effective they are – they look promising!